


Buried Under Everything

by DoctorsOrders



Series: Our Masterpiece is Self-Destruction [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Begging, Comeplay, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Divorce, Dubious Consent, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashback, Forgiveness, Infidelity, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Marking, Multi, Not the main pairing, Orgasm Control, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Starfleet Academy, Threesome - F/M/M, discussed, not between the main pairing, slightly possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 11:36:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1981452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorsOrders/pseuds/DoctorsOrders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard is faced with Jim's infidelity, and while the situation is different than with Jocelyn, it hurts him down to his core. His caregiver side allows him to be there for an emotionally self-destructive Jim, even though he's hurt too. This leads to slightly possessive sex and a release of pain in a way that doesn't push Jim away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buried Under Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Well I didn't realize how involved this was until I went to tag it. This is the retelling and sequel to "[This Isn't] What You Wanted" that was requested by one person but that I really had wanted to write anyway. While it is not absolutely necessary to read the that one first, I do suggest it. This is a retelling of that from Leonard's (third person) POV, but it also continues where the former left off. I did not include all the dialogue from "[TI]WYW" but the dialogue that is there is the same. 
> 
> Not explicitly stated in the work: it's their second year at the academy, six months into an established relationship.

It had been a very long night. Scratch that, it had been such a long night that it was now morning. 

 

Leonard sighed as the sun shone through his window, he clutched a cup of coffee in his hands, his spirit felt like it was current residing three floors below him. 

 

He felt too broken be mad, too broken to cry. He was just numb. No, that wasn’t right either. It was as if a surgical anesthetic had only served to paralyze him, but made him feel everything, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, just had to endure it. 

 

Again. 

 

It was the only word repeating in his head. Why did this happen to him _again_? Leonard thought he’d been a hellish individual in his past life, maybe a serial murderer, paying for it in this one—not that he believed in all that. 

 

When he heard the door open he had two instantaneous reactions. The first was overwhelming relief, Jim wasn’t dead, lying in some ditch or floating face down in the ocean, the second was a tightening in his chest, knowing there was going to be a confrontation. Leonard was so nervous, he wasn’t sure he could do this, if he could survive being told he wasn’t worth staying for again. 

 

Jim looked like shit. His eyes were sunken and dark, his cheeks blotchy, his hair was a disaster and his clothes had clearly spent the night crumpled on the floor. But he was alive, and that was no small blessing when it came to Jim. He brushed past Leonard, getting himself a glass of water, clearly he had no intentions of being the first to speak. 

 

“Well, it’s good to see you’re not dead,” Leonard said, it came out in a total monotone. It _was_ good to see him alive, and it broke the silence.

 

The first words out of Jim’s mouth made him realize Jim was looking for a fight. Leonard was not in a fighting mood. He’d probably have settled for a physical blow, but Leonard would have sooner stood in front of a hover-train that lay a hand on Jim. Even the thought of a verbal fight was out of the question, he was exhausted and far too hurt for yelling. Jim pressed twice, trying to spark a response, but Leonard wasn’t having it and Jim grew quiet.

 

“You should’ve just told me were done…you didn’t—you didn’t have to do it like this,” Leonard gripped his coffee cup tighter, clinging to it as he felt his carefully built walls start to crumble. What was it about him that said, ‘please cheat on me, I don’t deserve to be talked to rationally.’

 

This was exactly what Jocelyn had done. 

 

He’d known she’d been fucking around, he’d known it in his heart, but he hadn’t wanted to leave her. They’d shared so much together, they had a daughter for god’s sake, and admitting that he’d failed her, them, had seemed unacceptable. 

 

He’d brushed it off, pretending not to notice all the blatant signs, until the morning Jocelyn had strutted—and she did strut—back into their home, smelling like sex and musk, in a skintight dress that sparkled in the sunlight and just dared him to try and ignore her. She might as well have fucked the other man in front of him on their kitchen table. 

 

He hadn’t said a word.

 

“Let me explain something to you Leonard,” she’d said, the knife like quality to her voice so much worse than a scream, “we’re done. I don’t want to pretend to want this anymore.”

 

“…what do you want from me, Joce?” he’d asked quietly. 

 

“A divorce.”

 

“Doll, I know we got married on a whim, but I love you, and we have Jo. Can’t we just try…for her?” Leonard knew he’d begged. 

 

“I haven’t loved you in a long time,” to this day he’d never seen more resolve in anyone’s face as Jocelyn’s when she’d said, “and if you fight me on this Len, I’ll take you for everything.”

 

But Jim’s eyes looked nothing like Jocelyn’s, and not just because her’s had been a smoldering green. Jim’s eyes were wide and full of pain, he was almost trembling under Leonard’s gaze and it was killing him. As much as he wanted to hate Jim for this, he couldn't help but still love him. 

 

“Wait, wait no, Bones!” Jim said a hysterical tinge creeping into his voice, “are _you_ saying we’re done?”

 

Honestly, what did the kid expect? Leonard wasn’t sure what happened in Iowa when people cheated on each other, he thought a relationship ending was pretty standard, on Earth at least. It was pretty clear that Jim regretted what he’d done, it was all over his face, his body language, but Leonard wasn’t sure why he’d done it. 

Leonard was very confused. Jim hadn’t told anyone where he was going, he’d cut off Leonard’s first couple comms off before they could ring through last night, he seemed to have known exactly what he was doing. He was actually a little surprised Jim didn’t want them to be over. 

 

Jim reached for his hand and Leonard  pulled away like he’d been burned. “Don’t. Just don’t,” Leonard said tiredly. It was too much, he didn’t want to be touched, it was too intimate with how upset he was. Jim looked like he’d been backhanded. 

 

“Do you want me to leave?” Jim asked, his voice shook, tiny and fearful and everything Jim Kirk was not. 

 

As mad and wounded as he was, Leonard did not want Jim to leave. Admitting it made him feel powerless. “No,” he’d said simply. 

 

“No? As in I can stay?” Jim asked hesitantly.

 

“As in, you can fucking explain yourself Jim.” Leonard felt something in him snap, because no, he wasn’t sure Jim could _stay_ yet. He just felt tired and lost and hurt, he needed some answers. 

 

“I love you Bones. I fucking love you,” Jim choked out as he’d dropped to the floor in front of him. 

 

Even though Jim was in a position of complete submission in front of him, Leonard couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of Jim’s words in comparison to his actions. It was a dark laugh, dripping with skepticism, he wasn’t sure where it had come from, but it made his own blood run a little cold. 

 

Jim paled in front of him, he knew Jim hadn’t seen that side of him, but Jim pushed on, his words coming out in waves. 

 

Everything he said was caked in pain, Jim sounded so defeated, so hopeless, that it made Leonard’s soul ache. As Jim continued, Leonard realized it wasn’t about him. 

Jim regarded himself as worthless, pitiful, and undeserving of love. It wasn’t about Leonard, it was about running away before someone could leave him. The world had beat him down for so long Jim really believed that he was less than dirt. Jim’s words painted a picture of the terrified spirit that lived inside him that told him he was filth. 

 

Yes, Jim had cheated on him, and yes, Leonard was still torn up about it, but Jim didn’t need to hear that right now. Jim needed to know that this time he wasn’t being abandoned because he made a mistake, that he was still worthy of love, and most of all that _Leonard_ still loved him, even with his flaws. Jim was breaking apart in front of him, he’d moved away, practically under the table, not even allowing himself to touch Leonard anymore. Leonard felt himself shifting into caregiver mode, wanting to protect Jim before he lost himself entirely. 

 

Leonard lowered himself to the floor and took Jim’s face in his hands, “You are _not garbage_.” Jim started to shake his head but Leonard wasn’t having it, “You’re _not_.” What someone had done to the shaking boy in front of him to make him truly believe he was trash, Leonard did not know, but it made him furious. 

 

“I don’t know who told you otherwise, or who the fuck they think they are, but if I find them they’ll need another doctor when I’m done with them.” He took a deep breath before he said, “Jim, you make me mad as hell sometimes, and you’ve put my heart through the wringer, but I still love you. I don’t think you’re damned, and darlin’, I _don’t_ think you’re broken, just hurting. Now, they didn’t teach it med school, but I’d like to try an’ fix that.” Leonard pulled him close as Jim sobbed into his chest. 

 

“You s-shouldn’t have’ta p-put up with m-me like t-t-this. I f-fucked up B-bones,” Jim sobbed out wiping his nose across the back of his hand. 

 

He was still giving Leonard the opportunity to leave him, and it killed him that Jim could think so low of himself. “You did Jim, but I can still love you. You made a mistake, god knows you’re not the first. I won’t lie and say I’m not a little hurt, I am Jim, but, after what you said—if you really feel like that—if you’ve been carrying all that around, darlin’…” Leonard just wanted to shield Jim from his pain, as if holding him tightly might expel his demons. 

 

“I don't deserve you Bones,” Jim said as he exhaled with a heavy shudder. 

 

How anyone could think Leonard was something special to be deserved was beyond him, but it seemed crass to argue with Jim in this state, “You’re gettin’ me whether you think you deserve me or not, because I love you darlin’.”

 

Jim pulled back to survey his face, and the look Jim gave him, was so full of wonder and hope when he said, “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me and meant it,” that Leonard thought it heart might break. 

 

—

 

The last thing he’d remembered was stroking Jim’s hair and reassuring him there was nowhere else he needed to be. He must have fallen asleep because he woke to Jim pressing kisses against his jawline. 

 

“Sorry,” Jim said softly, “I just, I wanted…”

 

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart,” Leonard shifted and tucked Jim’s head under his chin, “I’m not gonna leave you.” It was as much reassurance for himself as it was for Jim. 

 

Jim fiddled with Leonard’s shirt, squirming, but not trying to get away, for several moments

 

“What’s wrong, Jim?”

 

“You can say no…” Jim started, but made no effort to continue.

 

“Darlin’ you haven’t asked me anything,” Leonard made a move to look down at Jim, who just buried his face against Leonard’s neck. 

 

It was small and shy but Jim finally asked, “Would you fuck me?” 

 

Leonard exhaled into Jim’s hair. It seemed like a bad idea at this point. He was still hurt, but he was pretty sure Jim wasn’t prepared to talk about it anymore right now. Under normal circumstances, they probably shouldn't have sex until they both knew exactly where the other stood, but Jim Kirk was not ‘normal circumstances.’ Leonard knew if he turned him down, Jim would take it that he was damaged goods, and the possessive part of him didn’t see anything wrong with fucking the infidelity out of Jim’s system. “Are you sure that’s what you want right now?” he asked, stalling his answer.

 

“Yes… _please,_ ” Jim pleaded.

 

“You tell me if you want me to stop.” Well, that wasn’t what Leonard thought he was going to say when he’d opened his mouth. 

 

Jim nodded before he pulled his T-shirt over his head while Leonard fought the zipper down on Jim’s jeans throwing them across the room unceremoniously. 

 

Leonard flipped him over, digging the lube out of his bedside drawer before climbing on top of him, pushing Jim’s boxers down over his hips, Jim kicked them down to his ankles.

 

Leonard poured lube on his fingers and pushed Jim’s cheeks apart. Jim’s hole was a purpled-red, not it’s usual neat pink, and for the first time Leonard considered what _exactly_ Jim had done last night. For some reason, he’d been sure Jim had done the fucking. He traced the hole with lube coated fingers before pushing inside with one, Jim gasping as he did. The canal was still slick and Jim pulsed around his finger. 

 

Leonard leaned down next to Jim’s ear and growled, “You let someone fuck you?” Jim whined in response. “Did you let them come inside you?” Leonard demanded, nudging another finger against Jim’s hole, it knew it was too much too quick, but Jim didn’t object, his face buried in a pillow. 

 

“Answer me, Jim,” Leonard said, punctuating each word with a twist of his hand.

 

“Ahhhh yes, yes! Oh god—‘Mm sorry, yes, I didn’t realize…oh fuck Bones, I didn’t know he was—fuck!” Jim stuttered, pushing back against his hand.  

 

Leonard nipped lightly at Jim’s ear. “He didn’t hurt you did he?” he asked, a touch softer. 

 

Jim drew shallow breathes as Bones thrust into him with his fingers. “A little,” Jim murmured into the bed. 

 

Leonard withdrew his fingers sharply, Jim crying out in protest, he pushed Jim’s shoulder so Jim had to look at his face. “Darlin’, I don't want to do this if it’s going to hurt you more.”

 

Jim shook underneath him, grabbing at his arms, “No Bones, please. Please I want you to, I don’t want to feel them anymore, I just—”

 

“ _Them_?” Leonard said his tone scathing, he really hadn’t wanted to know anything about it, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t ask if they were going to move on. 

 

Jim’s eyes slid away from Leonard as he realized what he’d said. Neither of them moved for a minute and then Jim said, “There was a girl too. He fucked me while I fucked her.” Jim looked back to Leonard, who’s face had darkened considerably. “I was just trapped in the middle of them…I hated it. Bones, you have to believe me I fucking hated it, I wanted to stop…I’m so sorry Bones, shit, I’m sorry.”

 

Leonard was beyond horrified, not that Jim had had a threesome—that wasn’t completely unexpected if he was being honest with himself, “It wasn’t consensual, Jim? What the hell kind of people—”

 

Jim tried to press himself further into the bed as he said miserably, “No, fuck, I asked them to do it, I’m the one who fucking asked for it, I didn’t say no, I didn’t tell them to stop. I was drunk…”

 

Leonard sat back on his heels anger coursing though his veins, “Are you telling me that they ra—”

 

“Don’t fucking say it Bones, _don’t_. That’s not what happened. I’m not really sure any of us consented to anything, we were all wasted. Please don't flip out, it’s not their fault, it’s mine.” 

 

Leonard screwed his eyes shut and ran a hand through his hair, he didn’t know what to call it, but Jim was right, rape wasn’t the right word. “What am I supposed to do now?” he asked, really having no idea what Jim wanted from him.

 

“Fuck me.” Jim said, his voice stronger than it had been moments ago, “make me forget about them, make me yours again…please Bones, I want to be yours.”

 

Leonard sighed, this kid was going to kill him. He ran his hand down Jim’s chest, leaving of sticky trail of lube with it. “I really don’t want to hurt you Jim.”

  
  
“You won’t.”

 

Leonard kept Jim on his back, he wanted to watch his face, as he was positive Jim wouldn’t tell him if it hurt. He reapplied lube to his fingers, pushing Jim’s leg aside and slid his fingers back into him. Jim arched into his thrust. 

 

Leonard scissored his fingers inside Jim and pressed his mouth to his neck and sucked hard, he had every intention of claiming Jim’s neck as his for the world to see. Jim gasped out breathy moans and writhed under him. Leonard was hard, cock trapped in his trousers, but he ignored it in favor of making Jim squirm. 

 

Leonard fucked him with just two fingers for a while, content to watch the purple marks his mouth made form on Jim’s skin, and stroke his prostate. 

 

“Bones…oh fuck Bones, please,” Jim mewled against him. 

 

Leonard made to pull out of Jim. “Does it hurt?” 

 

Jim clenched around him, trying to keep Leonard’s fingers inside, “No. More, please, please more.”

 

Leonard pulled his fingers out, despite Jim’s protest, to apply more lube, he leaned down to lick a wet strip up Jim’s neglected cock. 

 

“Fuck! Oh _fuck_!” Jim keened, twisted his hands in the sheets. 

 

Leonard kissed his cheek as he moved away and pushed three fingers back inside, making Jim choke on a moan. 

 

"I love you like this, moaning for me,” Leonard whispered against his ear. 

 

It wasn't long before Jim begged again, “Please, Bones, please I want your cock."   

 

Jim begged so prettily. Leonard pulled out and shucked his pants and briefs quickly, Jim tugged instantly on his shirt hem, so Leonard divulged himself of that too before reaching again for the lube and smearing it on his aching dick. Jim wrapped his legs around Leonard and whimpered when the head nudged at his opening. He kissed at the side of Jim’s mouth, wanting to hear the sounds Jim made as he took his cock. 

 

Jim let out a needy, guttural whine as Leonard slid inside. Jim pulsed around his cock as he adjusted to the extra girth.

 

“Still okay, Jim?” Leonard asked as he rocked gently, against him. 

 

Jim nodded eyes closed, head thrown back into the pillows. 

 

“Open those pretty eyes and tell me you’re okay,” Leonard insisted, running his fingers along Jim’s jaw. 

 

Jim blinked heavily, “Yeah, ’s great Bones,” he ran this tongue against bitten-red lips, “Fuck me now please.”

 

Leonard chuckled and pressed a kiss to his swollen lips and obliged. With every thrust, he felt Jim push up to meet him. Jim was so tight and hot, Leonard didn’t think he’d ever get tired of how it felt to be inside him.

 

“Oh fuck, Bones! Yes—fuck, right there,” Jim cried in a frenzied litany, “so fucking good Bones!”

 

“Gonna make you scream now, sweetheart,” Leonard promised. Jim opened his eyes to give him a questioning look just before Leonard took hold of Jim’s weeping cock at the same moment he thrust against Jim’s prostate. 

 

Jim did scream. 

 

It was gorgeous. Jim came apart underneath him, pleading in a ragged voice that was only ‘Bones’ and ‘please’ and mixture of obscene whines. Leonard sucked another bruise into his flushed skin; he circled the base of Jim’s prick with his fingers tightly, he wanted Jim to beg to come. 

 

Between his hand and his cock working at Jim’s body, he didn’t have to wait very long, he felt Jim tense and tremble against him, “Bones please, _please_ Bones, can I—? _Bones please_.”

 

“Go on darlin’, come,” Leonard commanded, releasing his hold and stroking Jim in time with his thrusts. 

 

“Boooooones,” Jim whimpered as he came, coating Leonard’s hand and both their chests with thick ropes come. 

 

Leonard rocked into Jim though his orgasm, he bit the inside of his cheek, staving off his own. When Jim finally opened his eyes blearily to look at Leonard all he could manage was, “Yours,” before he lifted himself enough to kiss him. With no warning Leonard came hard as he thrust deep and emptied himself inside Jim. Jim sighed heavily, and sagged back on the bed. 

 

Leonard lowered himself down next to Jim once he came back to himself, pulling out easily. They laid in silence, save for uneven breathing and a heartbeat that Leonard could hear pounding in his chest

 

“Hey Bones?”

 

“Yeah?”

“Will you do something for me even if you think it’s fucked up?” Jim asked, he sounded tired and sated. 

 

Leonard’s hand found Jim’s and he squeezed, “Probably.”

 

“Could you just…” he hesitated, which made Leonard a little nervous, “Could you just play with me a little more?”

 

“You want me to finger you again, darlin’?”

 

“I just want you in me.”

 

“Sure sweetheart, roll on your side,” 

 

—

 

Leonard knew he’d been off, but he thought he’d been doing a pretty good job hiding it. That was, until he’d snapped at Christine during clinic duty. 

 

She’d waited while he input the new meds the clumsy cadet he was treating would need into his PADD before she’d angrily pulled him off the floor into the storage closet. “Okay, Leo what the hell?” she’d demanded without preamble. 

 

“What do you mean ‘what the hell?’” he’d groused, looking down. Leonard had known he shouldn’t have lost his temper at Christine, for doing her job none the less, but hadn’t been keen on apologizing. He hadn’t been keen on anything lately. 

 

“Don’t you _even try_ to doge me Leonard McCoy, you have been nothing short of insufferable for the past two days. Miserable to work with, miserable to be around, I have had two nurses come to me separately and ask if I know what the hell is going on with you. Ensign Sarya asked for her clinic rotation to be changed today because you’ve made her cry, _twice_.”

 

“What’s your point? I’m always grumpy.”

 

“Yes, and it’s cute when you’re grumpy. This is not grumpy, this is intolerable.” Christine didn’t make a point of beating around the bush. 

 

“Listen, I’m sorry Chris, I’m just having a hard time right now.” Leonard had sighed, resigned to the fact that he’d apparently been intolerable. Great. 

 

“With Kirk?” Christine had said sympathetically, patting him on the shoulder. 

 

“Excuse me?”  
  
“Oh please Leo, everyone knows. Well, I know…”

 

“Dammit. Yes, with Jim.”

 

“Are you going to talk to him about it? It’s not good when you think about things too long,” she’d gestured towards him, “otherwise this happens.”

 

“I can’t talk to him about this, Chris,” Leonard had scrubbed his hand over his face. 

 

“Well you’ve got to talk to someone.”  
  
“I can’t—”

 

“Doesn’t have to be me, or Kirk, just someone, okay Leo?”

 

“Alright.”

 

Which was how he found himself sitting at a pub out of the way of campus with Nyota. He’d become good friends with Nyota ever since Jim had ‘introduced’ them. She was brilliant and funny and easy to talk to. Akin to a non-reckless version of Jim himself—though he’d never tell either of them that. They’d had two classes together his first year, basics that Leonard had needed on top of all his xeno-med credits. 

 

“Well you’re wound tighter than a drum,” she said slipping into the booth Leonard had picked near the back. 

 

“Mercy, is it that obvious?” Leonard complained. 

 

Her thin smile was enough of an answer. She sipped the beer he’d bought for her, “Well what’s going on then?” she asked easily. 

 

“No, let’s not start with me, tell me how you've been,” Leonard sidestepped. 

 

Nyota tossed her hair back as she laughed, “I’ve been fine, and I’ll tell you all about it, but you first. Come on Leo, don’t make me pry it out of you.” She would too. 

 

Leonard let go a long suffering sigh, “It’s Jim.”

 

She shook her head, “Of course it it, what’s he gone and done now.”

 

“Please don’t tell anyone, Ny.”

 

“I don’t gossip, except about professors,” she promised, drawing an X over her heart. 

 

Leonard took a long swig of his beer before he continued. He looked at Nyota, opened it his mouth, and closed it again. Then he looked away. “Do you think I’m a bad person?” he asked instead. 

 

“Leo no. God no, of course not. Why would I think that?”

 

“He cheated on me.”

 

“I’ll kill him,” she said instantly, her eyes narrowed. 

 

He let out a noise halfway between a laugh and sob, managing to hold back his tears, “No. Thanks for offering, but don’t.”

 

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Nyota demanded loudly, “How could he do that to you?”

 

“There’s a lot to it…But that’s not…,” Nyota opened her mouth like she might say something but Leonard continued just above a whisper, “he said he loved me first. And you know how I feel about him, and then he just—it’s not the first time it’s happened to me Ny, and I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Why it keeps happening…”

 

“Oh god,” she reached across the table to take his hands, “honey, I’m so sorry.”

 

“I just don’t understand why this keeps happening, why the people I love keep betraying me like this. As if Jocelyn wasn’t enough, hell, she wasn’t even the first…I’m such a failure.” He couldn't say this to Jim, he knew Jim would take it too personally, and Leonard had no desire to hurt him more, Jim beat himself up enough. 

 

“Leonard no, how could you even say that? You’re anything _but_ a failure. None of that is your fault.”

 

“I tried to be a good husband, a good father, a good doctor,” he scoffed, “a good _son_. I’ve failed at all of them. I thought I’d made peace with it, I thought, ‘at least I can be good to Jim,’ but even that wasn’t enough…” Leonard choked out the last word.  

 

Nyota let go of his hand and slid into his side of the booth, putting an arm around him. She rested his head on her shoulder. “Shhhh,” she soothed, “you _are_ a good person, honey. You don’t deserve any of this.”

 

“It just fucking _hurts_ Ny, I don’t care if it’s selfish, or self-indulgent I just want to have someone pick up the pieces for me, I can’t be the rock all the time.” A few tears had escaped, dotting Nyota’s blouse darker, he pulled away, rubbing his palms across his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m making a scene.”

 

“Don’t you dare be sorry, I don’t care if we’re making a scene.” She looked fierce, eyes scouting the room, daring anyone to look at them, no one did. Her eyes softened when they landed back on him, “But we can go, if you want.”

 

Leonard nodded and they made their way out, Nyota keeping an arm slung around his waist. They walked in silence for a while, heading towards the waterfront. Nyota guided them to a bench and Leonard dropped unceremoniously to it, staring blankly at the water. 

 

“I still love him. We’ve worked it out…that poor kid has more than enough to deal with without me leaving him for one mistake, and I don’t want to. I want to be with him, but I promised Jim he wasn’t broken, that he’s worth something—because he is, but you what? I don’t know that I am anymore. Nyota, I might be broke in a way nobody can fix.”

 

She took his hand in hers, he could see her surveying him out of the corner of his eye for a moment then she wrapped her free arm around his shoulders, looking out towards the water with him, “So stop trying.”

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t let anybody fix you. You’re allowed to be broken Leo, you’ve been through hell, and you’ve survived. You be like one of those stained glass windows. They were so beautiful even though everyone could see they were a bunch of broken pieces.” 

 

Leonard did not whimper as he let out a breath he didn't realize he’d been holding. Tears rolled down his face without permission. He tried to turn away but Nyota leaned against him, “You go ahead and cry honey, I won’t tell.”

 

—

 

Leonard had left a note on Jim’s PADD letting him know he’d gone out, and that he’d be back before it got dark. When he returned to his apartment, he found Jim fidgeting with his jacket on the couch. He jumped up when he saw Leonard, opening his mouth to say something, but Leonard didn’t give him the chance. He closed the space between them with a few quick steps and kissed him hard. Jim made a startled noise against him and Leonard sucked and bit his way into Jim’s mouth, pushing a hand under Jim’s shirt, and the other into his hair. Jim responded in kind, fisting his hands in Leonard’s shirt, pulling himself impossibly closer, his tongue finding it’s way into Leonard’s mouth too. 

 

He only pulled away when there was no more air in his lungs, nothing more to give to Jim. “I love you, darlin’,” Leonard said breathlessly. 

 

Jim looked, really looked at him, taking in his reddened eyes, “Bones, have you been crying? Oh god, I’m sorry, I—”

 

“That’s not an appropriate response in Standard,” he insisted.

 

Jim bit his lip, holding Leonard’s stare, his eyes full of reverence, “I love you too.”

 

They certainly weren't perfect, but Leonard was beginning to think perfect was vastly overrated.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing with a copyright and I make no money off of this, yada yada, you know the drill.
> 
> Comments/critiques are always appreciated! <3


End file.
